I suppose this will be something very revealing of my present state. I am venturing to expose the darker side of the Christian walk. With that being said, I now invite you Into My HEART.
I don’t know if this is common but for me I often feel like a little boy lost in a great big city. There are all kinds of noises. There are kinds of people all around me. I’m trying to find my way back home but I am just a little boy. Lost, scared and confused. The fast-paced movement of people all around me creates a dizzying effect. How can a little boy get noticed in all of this? I do not like using catchphrases but the struggle is indeed real.
I think of one of my favorite verses in the Bible. I have stated it as a life verse for me. Something that is ever the application to my life as it pertains to God. It reads from the Contemporary English Version translation: I am the Lord your God. I am holding your hand, so don’t be afraid. I am here to help you (Isaiah 41:13)
You can see why I am drawn to it. Now I will take the liberty to share what I refer to as the darker side of Christianity. It is not an easy walk. It is not always a happy life. It is downright difficult. Exhausting even. There are times I want to just give up the fight. Get out of the race. There are times I am frustrated with the loneliness. I am amazed how many people do not care to know about Jesus or don’t even care to hear what you have to say about Jesus. The organized religion aspect of it in many cases seems to lose the heart of the Gospel message concerning Jesus. I for one do not know what it is to be a preacher. In fact, I don’t even want to be one. However, I do love to share my experiences and the understanding I have come to know by revelation of who Jesus is. Yet, even open discussions if Jesus is involved tend to be nonstarters. That saddens me to no end.
In another post, I wrote briefly how I am waiting on the consolation of God. It caused me to want to write more thoroughly about this consolation and about my exhaustion. However I did not break it down into the two consolations I eagerly look forward to. The primary one is to be with Jesus forever. This one tends to be lost among many around me. The hope of the comfort of being in the perpetual presence of peace, joy and love forever. Where there is no more sickness, sorrow, tears or death. That is the grandest of consolations I eagerly look forward to.
The second consolation in which means comfort or to be consoled. Seems oddly placed. It has to do with other promises of God. Not the ultimate promise as mentioned above but other promises. These promises has to do with earthly things if I may put it like that. These promises being fulfilled by God will be of great comfort to me. Why? Because waiting on God has not been the easiest of things to do. In fact, I have been waiting years. Going on 10 years of waiting. Waiting has been an arduous road to travel. It has been painful, lonely and at times unexciting. Waiting on God to fulfill His promises has been a real struggle for me at times. A struggle that took me down some dark roads. Roads of impatience. Roads of compromise. Roads of doubt. Roads of anger. Roads of despair. Roads of hopelessness. However, the Lord has indeed proven faithful because he helped me get through it all and to continue on persevering in hope with Him.
When I think of how tired and exhausted I am from the Christian walk; this darker side that I am making you privy to, I would be remiss if I did not mention that God has indeed been faithful every step of the way. Proving that even if the Christian experiences times of being faithless God remains faithful. In fact! God could not deny Himself. That is, to keep Himself or restrain Himself from being what He is. For He is actually called Faithful.
Like someone who is suffocating do I long for God’s consolation. That great consoling of all of His promises fulfilled. God’s faithfulness keeps me coming back to Him when I find myself straying away even for a moment. His faithfulness has even given me the strength to remain walking in hand and in step with Him. So whether I am falling behind a bit or keeping pace with Him, regardless of being tired and exhausted and exposing a darker side to Christianity, my God remains being the Lord. He remains holding my hand. He remains my ever-present help. For all those reasons, I won’t be afraid of what temporary struggles I may have because the Lord my God has been, continues to be and will always be the one who is my great consolation. Amen.
F.A. Lugo
10/30/18
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