I suppose the right word to use here is reflection. As I reflect over the last few years from where I currently find myself in 2015. God’s Word once again leads the way. I wouldn’t have it any other way. With that said, for the beginning of what will be a game changing year, I now invite you Into My HEART…
Before you begin reading the words below of what needs to be shared, I want to let you know that today being (March 3, 2015) would be close to two months since I’ve written this post. Therefore, keep in mind as you’re reading this, I am writing this from January and you should read it with that notion in mind. The saying goes, “Better late than never.” This is a saying we human beings use, however, God would not say such a thing. God would utilize our lateness, our distractions, our busyness and turn it around to be right on time for ourselves and others when we finally look to Him and commit to Him. January 9, 2015 was my first writing for this year and I must say in all faith and confidence in the Lord, this year will prove to be the year everything changes for me and it could certainly be the year that everything changes for you. Do you believe this? One last thing to remember and grab a hold tightly to...With God, nothing is impossible. Okay, here we go!
Beloved, today as I began my walk to the bathroom to wash up and begin a new day, this Word popped into my mind. It literally seemed as if it just came to me in a flash! I was wondering why it did so. Truth be told this has happened to me many times before as God would begin speaking to me concerning something and in turn I would always rejoice, but as of December 2014, I have been experiencing my walk with the Lord to be blunt, dulling away (on my behalf of course). So to have this Word come to me was a big deal! I kept saying, ‘For we are God’s workmanship created anew in Christ Jesus.’ I wanted to read the full verse out, but before I got back to my room to look it up, I said, “For [I] am God’s workmanship created anew in Christ Jesus.” Let’s read that verse out together:
For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]. (Ephesians 2:10 AMP)
Now, let us enter into that moment in which I find to be always refreshing and absolutely necessary—confession.
As of December 2014, I have not felt as I have concerning the Lord and my walk with Him. Now I rejoice over Him and all He has done for me and in and through me, however, I have also experienced a time of not knowing what to do next. Like a stand still; a pause if you will.
Mater of fact, I can’t even find the words to properly describe it. I have struggled and struggle with certain things, such as rage [fits of anger] that always involve me screaming or cursing and throwing something or hitting a wall, and lustful thoughts and self doubt.
As I headed into 2015, it was a dull experience for me. It wasn’t what I thought it would be, yet it also included some soul searching in which I believe is not over yet, and those late night talks with the Lord in the early am, I will treasure always.
As of 2012 through 2014, at the beginning of the year or at least from what I can gather and remember, the Lord would take me in the Spirit [lead me through His strength and wisdom and power] to cast out the vision for the year that laid ahead of me.
- 2012 was the year of “Breakthrough.” That year, after what was the worst time in my life [the ending of 2011] where I stopped hearing God’s voice (in which I literally felt as if I was dying) and began struggling with my faith for no reason I yet to recall, His voice came back a few months later and my faith grew strong again and my relationship that had ended with a certain someone after 10 months was restored and stronger than before. The turnaround began when I heard a still small voice that seemed so askew I could barely make it out and it became more clearer with a series of hearing and responding with questions.
The Lord said, “Honest.” After months of not hearing from Him and struggle, I wasn’t quite sure what I heard so I replied, “honest?”
Then the Lord said to me, “Be honest.” To which I replied again to clarify, “Be honest?” Still His voice was sketchy to me, like a deaf man hearing for the first time, I had to make out what I was hearing was in fact what I was hearing.
A third and final time, the Lord spoke: “Be honest with Me, be honest with yourself and be honest with others.”
By this point I was hearing Him again clearly. Like death to life I could hear my Lord again! From deaf to hearing His grace, mercy and compassion I had experienced! So I began confessing my struggles to others and I and the Lord were once again close to one another. It was once again the happiest time in my life!
- 2013 was the year of “Even greater breakthrough.” This was the year that began with confession. I confessed to the Holy Spirit that I loved food more than Him and I wouldn’t stop choosing food over Him unless He helped me. That was how weak I was concerning pizza, fried foods, fast food, sweets and sugary drinks.
From night to day, from tears to triumph, I was convicted, I confessed, I received revelation from Him and power from heaven came upon me on January 29, 2013 and that was the year I lost 50 pounds and began to see my body and its role differently and it began with the Holy Spirit and His Word to me: “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17 NKJV).
- 2014 was the year of “Monumental Breakthrough.” This was the year the “Ministry of Generosity” was born and began on January 30, 2014. I just realized that two significant things in my life that shaped my life took place not only on January but a day apart from one another. That’s amazing and certainly not coincidence. How I pray, January of 2015 will not have come and gone without the Lord revolutionizing my life yet again. Amen.
- 2015. The new year is upon us and I am back in a place that I do not want to be in, but from what it looks like, I am desperately in need of being in this very place I find myself in yet again—the place of struggle and uncertainty waiting upon the Lord to come and give me direction; give me revelation. Oh Lord, please come soon!
2014 ended with that restored relationship of 2012 ending yet again, and from clarity to confusion I am conflicted with what step I am to take now, however, the year’s end even in the midst of this relationship ending [or separating for a time as I see it] came good news. After being unemployed for a time, the Lord opened up a new door for me to enter into and I was employed before Christmas day came. Halleluyah!
As I continue on in my soul searching and desperation to hear and receive direction from the Lord for this new year I am blessed to be in, I ask you to pray for me and my struggles.
May the grace of the Lord that has helped me time and time again, be with you, and I pray, this new year; the year of 2015, be the year that God changes things up. A game changing year. A year where the Lord makes the best of it all surpassing every previous year combined of what He has done for you, for me, for us! And our walk with Him will not only be stronger than before but surpass our own thoughts of what it could be. Amen.
As always…YOU ARE LOVED.