Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
This is something that I shall have to dive back into my past for, as
it was something I wanted to write, yet never got a chance to. Bare
with me as I take you into a dark era of my life, to eventually find
my way to the light.
My life, my everything is a broken sidewalk, but why? I sense
something there, but what? It lingers on me, like a bad rash, but how
come? I look around me with eyes ablaze, wanting to create entire fits
of anarchy, but who will stop me? I know what this sensation is, but
shall I invite it in? He calls to me, and says to me, "Your father has
forgotten about you, but you will not submit to me. Why are you
fighting it, I am a friend, not an enemy? You can trust in my word, I
will not fail you. All I want from you is your word." "No you don't,
you want more, you want my everything, my most prized possession, and
you can't have it. I am my own keeper, i say what goes on inside me,
not you, or HIM."
Wait, just a minute there, do you hear that? I hear nothing! It is
coming to me, but very faint, almost like a wisper, "My son, I have
not left you alone, I only ask that you show me, that you are worthy
of my gifts, and LOVE. No need to worry, about this new found friend
of yours, I shall forgive you, but you must forgive, yourself.
Whatever, this trife life of mine, is too much to bare, I need to
breathe, not feel suffocated.You can do something about it, but you
always want someone to do this, and do that. I am through trying to
prove myself to you. I am, who I am. You must LOVE me, for me. "But I
do my son. You have so much potential in you, and you are destined for
GREATNESS, you need only believe in me, and in yourself, and this
"trife life" of yours, shall be no more."
"Man, get out of here with that nonsense, don't you see that he wants
it now, he wants more than you can give him. You say you will forgive
him, but I see nothing wrong in what he has done, or who he has grown
up to be. A matter of fact, I am proud of you. You are tough, strong,
and you could careless what people think of you. Not to mention all
those women, man, the women...You are alright with me, man."
Dawg, I do not need none of you, I will do what I please, when I
please, and I will get what I want, because I think fast, talk fast,
and act fast. No one is on my level, and I have no doubt, that I will
reign supreme over all, without the likes of you two side acts. Get
out of my face.
Alright, if you want it like that, but I'll be seeing you, whatever
My son, SAVE IT!!!!!
Well, my life went on, and it got good, and seemed as if I was
conquering what I set out to do, but wait...The S@*!, hit the fan. I
started to get fired from jobs, or quitting left, and right. Women,
weren't paying any attention to me, my pockets were always empty, and
my weight was doubling...What is going on here. How come this is
happening to me, what have I done to deserve this? This is not fair.
Before I knew it 5 years had past, and I saw my life flash before my
eyes, and it wasn't pretty.
~~~~THE LIGHT/THE VOICE/THE LOVE~~~~
A new year is on its way, and I find myself a quarter of the way into
my life as it were. The faint whisper is ever so increasing, but I can
sense the darkness hanging just over my shoulder constantly tugging at
me. I find myself speaking out to him, "I know I have cursed your
name, gone against your wishes, your better judgement, but I am here
now to say that I am through fighting, rebelling. I submit to you, I
give up, I give up, I give up."
My son, it is not for you to say you give up, and give in. You must
feel it with all that you are, you must submit to me as I shall take
you by the hand, and guide you to a world, a life so great, it shall
overwhelm all of your wildest fantasies. I am the truth, and I shall
love you for who you are. I made you from my image, you are a most
perfect being. Can't you see that?
Not really, but I want to, I truly do. I ask you, can you forgive my
every mistake? YES! Can you forgive my harsh behavior onto women? YES!
How can you love me, after all I have done, seen, said, and thought
of? My son, you need not worry yourself as I am all that there is on
earth, and beyond. I am the creator of man, and my way is the right
way, the only way to complete salvation from your past, you fears,
your hatred, your mistakes. But, I say this now, you must submit to
me, follow in the path that has been set for you. You must love for
the sake of loving, you must obey for the sake of obeying. You are my
son, and a witness to life you shall be, as I grant you life as my
gift to you. Use your life, your experiences good, and bad to further
yourself in life, to further yourself through fellowship, through
prayer, you are man, you are my greatest achievement.
BUT, I WARN YOU NOT TO BETRAY MY LOVE, MY KINDNESS, MY FORGIVENESS,
"Please forgive my cries my GOD, my LORD, my EVERYTHING, as your love
is overwhelming. I was in the dark, and now you have shown me the
light. You showed me my devilish ways, and the outcome of my choices.
I shall follow you for all of my days Lord, I am your son, your image,
I no longer look to him, for a glimpse into a better life, as he is
all about temptation, suggestion, betrayal, hate, sin, unforgiveness.
I am your open vessel Lord, and I am open to your love, your
teachings, and guidance. Show me the way, as I am that eager child
wanting more from you.
From here on end, I shall speak of you in my life, carry you in my
heart, and be blessed as you bless me. I shall love man, respect man,
teach man, as I am the rebirth of a triumphant King that you have made
me out to be.
"You are of me son, and I of you. Take me into your heart, and spirit,
and make me your salvation. I shall guide you through the tough times,
your fears, your insecurities, and not judge you for your weaknesses,
but I shall judge you, and reprimand you as I am your father, and you
shall not get out of line."
Thank you father, thank you. I have been lost for so long. I have
hated man, hated against the ones that loved me. I have alienated my
friends. I have sought justice for the betrayals done onto me. I have
poisoned, and intoxicated my body. I have submitted to sexual sin, and
the desires, and temptations of the flesh. I was the embodiment of sin
Lord, but no more. You have shown me the ways of the foolish, and I am
ready to do your bidding, and to live the life, and walk the path you
have set before me.
"My son, now the test shall begin, as you shall live as I see fit. I
shall release you into the world you have come to know, and see if you
are ready, if you can resists the temptations the world has to offer."
I thank you father. In your name Lord, I shall praise you all of my
days. I shall be of sound mind, and body, to no longer live a life of
sin. I know you shall bless me, and surround me with your favor. I
look forward to my new life, and eagerly await your direction.
~~~~~~~~HE CREEPS AGAIN~~~~~~~~
As I walk down my new path, I see the world different, but it has not
changed. The sins of man are all over the place. Everywhere I look, I
see the sins of man, yet I do not fear any temptations overcoming me.
I am strong in my faith, and my devotion cannot be shaken, nor will it.
There is someone there, and I know what you want. You have no insight
to my life any longer. "Come on, man"..........................Lord,
shield me with your strength..........."But I thought you wanted the
riches, the women, the fame, the fortune"........................
(Lord, I pray to you the prayer I know)
THE LORDS PRAYER:
Our father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done on Earth,
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our tresspasses,
As we forgive those that tresspass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom,
The power, and the glory, forever, and ever.
Please rid me of his grip Lord.
This broken sidewalk I call life, is no match for my heavenly father,
and as I see, and hear THIS ENEMY, call out to my name......I say, NO!
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)