Emergency Post: Positive vs. Negative (Reinforcement)

Positive vs. Negative...which one are you?

Good morning beloved. Yesterday was my 32nd birthday as I mentioned in yesterday's post (click HERE TO READ POST.) Well, I'm thankful to share with you all that the Lord gave me an amazing birthday. Filled with so much love, laughter and ROLLED TACOS..YUM!

Early in the afternoon prior to my birthday dinner kick off I was talking with my cousin (Elizabeth Lopez) about the differences of being encouraged and being forced to do something. In life I have noticed when it comes to relationships as all things are relational, you have positive and negative reinforcement. One encourages and the other forces you. Somewhere along the line there's a break down between the one who is applying the reinforcement and the one who is being reinforced. 

There's a way to get a message of encouragement across to someone without forcing them to do it. There's a difference between telling someone to "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near" through the example you set that positively reinforces that message and the lack of example you set that causes that message to fade away- in one ear and out the other. You can only reinforce what you yourself do. 

Now in saying this, there comes a time where "tough love" needs to be enforced and this also is by the example you yourself lead out in. You must be a leader in what you think, say and do. Otherwise you fall in everything. As author and leadership speaker John C. Maxwell says, "Everything rises and falls on leadership." He is right! You cannot affect change in anyone's life until you yourself have changed. And that is leading by example. What you put out there is what you live out daily. Don't get me wrong. All leaders have their moments of failure, but it's not something that is consistent and not learned from. That's the key to effective leadership...Positive Reinforcement. You model it, you commit to it, you're consistent with it and although failure may come you don't step back in defeat but press on towards the goal. Any leader will tell you that it's not in the amount of failures that your leadership incurs but the amount of successes despite those failures that makes all the difference.

I myself am learning these principles, and as my Pastor Troy Gramling shared to a room filled with over 1700 men during the 2012 Men's Conference (V.I.P.) at Potential Church (see HERE), "Even if it wasn't modeled for you, doesn't mean YOU can't model it." Amen. We have all experienced the pain of not having others in our lives to lead us and encourage us through positive reinforcement, but that doesn't mean we can't decide to model it for others. I myself never had a dad to teach me to be a man, a father, a husband and a leader, but I look to the example Jesus models to perfection in the Word of God to help me and build me to be the man I'm called and created to be then I can model it for others who experienced not having a dad either. 

This blog post is absolutely a blessing from God, and this I have had the great pleasure, privilege and honor to witness and model myself. God will use anyone to speak His message through, and if we are humble enough to receive the message despite age, background or gender we will be all the more blessed by it. With that being said I thank God for the brief conversation I had yesterday with my cousin Elizabeth. God inspired me through it and because of it, the treasury of my heart has grown. Thank you Jesus.

In closing there are two verses in scripture that I want to share with you that will increase the treasury of your heart. They speak to leadership and the humble manner in which you should lead your people. The first one is by the Lord Jesus Himself. 

So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42-45 NLT emphasis added)

Whenever you speak to someone in order to influence them, let the reinforcement given be positive and not negative, then the individual(s) set before you will not only grow and become stronger. They will become leaders through your example that you yourself consistently model. Why is this important to seek to do always? Then the individual(s) will carry in their heart an image of them self that will cast a leadership shadow everywhere they go. No one desires to feel bad about themselves but rather feeling great and walking tall. “As a man thinks in his heart that he is.” (Proverbs 23:7)

Beloved, I pray these words will sharpen and grow you as they sharpen and grow me. It's my prayer that through effective communication we will experience record breaking growth in our lives and in all our leadership endeavors.

As always...YOU ARE LOVED.

What happened 7/3/2009?

"Embraced, redeemed and restored- God's love for us as we reflect in remorse than repent."- F. Lugo

I'll start by asking you this simple and direct question: What happens when you lose something very valuable and then you find it?  You would get excited; celebrate, even want others to rejoice with you because what was once lost is now found.

I was reading the Parable of the Lost Son (see Luke 15:11-32), and started to reflect and revisit what happened on July 3, 2009. It was a day I will remember always. Although it was a day to celebrate, sadly the day was marred with sorrow, displeasure and discontentment of all sorts. Allow me to catch you up on the situations and circumstances that lead to a day of sadness. There was this young man who had decided in his own heart that he would do things himself. Although it was made clear to him what he should have done and shouldn't have done, he still decided to be lead by his emotions instead of leading his own heart. The year is 2007 and this young man decided to get married although all signs pointed to it being the wrong decision but it seemed like the adult thing to do. The wedding was small and very few people gathered around them to witness it. A year and half later through lack of leadership, counsel and humility the young man left his wife, lost the potential blessing of being a parent, and destroyed his marriage where trust, love and unity was no more.

I'm sure you can picture in your mind why July 3, 2009 was a saddening day for this fellow. Well he is now 29 years of age, living with family as he returned back to his family's home a broken shell of a man, with low self-esteem, anger, disgust, sorrow and disbelief in himself. Now it happened when everyone was asleep, and this young man was laying down crying himself into dehydration as he had no peace to rest, something started to change direction deep within him. He sat up at the edge of his bed and cried, and cried, and cried. He was so tired of messing up everything. He knew that his mistakes would take a long time to correct, yet he didn't have the strength to accomplish it. This young man looking into the absolute darkness and silence of his room, heard a voice deep within himself say, 'What you cannot see and cannot hear, is the darkness of your heart and the silence of love that was once in you.' This young man in tears cried out and said, "God, I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry for what I have done. I need you. Please help me." What was presented to him would forever change his life. This same voice deep within him said, "I come with a gift. A gift no one will ever take away. As you lay your head down and it rises in the morning, all will be different. You will now hear and see."


As the young man rested in peace and arose the next day, he thought about what had happened to him the previous night. With a new sense of hope he found himself desiring to read the bible. The young man being as he is, found a bible application on his phone and started to read, and read and read. He couldn't get enough of the life changing words in the Bible. He was fascinated by the encouragement, the counsel, the direction the words seemed to speak into his heart, his mind, his everything. It was as if the words he read were life themselves. They were refreshing, inspiring, and also warned him of things he actually did and things he was afraid of and never wanted to do. The young man felt so very loved from the words he read. The more he read them, the more he heard that same voice from that troubling and faithful night. In actuality the young man was thoroughly convinced that Jesus had truly spoken to him and His presence was literally in the room with him on that night and he was amazed how God cared so much about him that He would intervene in his ruined life. The young man was smitten with the Word of God. He read it constantly. Carried it in his phone always, and felt this great urge to write about it and what it has done for him and what it could do for others. As the young man looked back on the night of July 3, 2009 he realized that it wasn't a sad day after all, but the beginning of a new life. One where he would never be alone, but God who came to him on that night would remain with him always and forever.

What an amazing story. I told you it was a day I would never forget. You may be asking yourself why? Because that young man is me. Praise the Lord!

As I mentioned in the beginning of this story, when something is lost and now found you rejoice! As it is written in the very inspiring, forgiving, loving, counseling, correcting, directing, saving, life changing, immutable and infallible Word of God, Jesus speaks "Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." (Luke 15:10)


I leave you with this, we all make mistakes, but the biggest mistake you could EVER make, is not crying out to the Lord, to save you. As the Word of God declares to all people of all the world, "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)

Beloved, repent of your mistakes and cry out to the Lord. YOU WILL BE SAVED! Amen.

As always...YOU ARE LOVED.

Live to Love and Honor

'The real mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, it is a reality to be experienced.' - J.J. Van der Leeuw

Reflecting on Life. There is no great mystery to it. It's to LOVE. There is a great struggle though. Many times it takes a death for us as humanbeings to reflect more on love. Very saddening, but it can be used for Strength. We can say, and do as we say  'I will not neglect another living soul. I will rejoice in the blessing that is family.' For those who are there to encourage you, and lift you up without wanting anything except your love, honor them. Honor the living.

Advice for Life: Decide on honoring the living while they're still alive, and never have to live again in depression, and sadness when they're gone. *Life is precious. Enjoy the life, in your life*

God bless you ALL



Flavio's iPhone Signature:

God uses all people, in all ways, through all avenues. Jesus is indeed our elevator friend.

Then he [Jesus] said, “I tell you the truth, you will all see heaven open and the angels of God going up and down on the Son of Man, the one who is the stairway between heaven and earth.” (John 1:51) Amen!