Beloved, consistency is a word I didn’t understand for much of my adolescent life. Maybe it was because I was continually failing at different things and not consistently accomplishing something worthwhile. With that being said, I now invite you into my HEART...
Let us begin by defining the word consistency.
Consistency (dictionary.com): steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.: There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.
I rather enjoy the above definition, as it speaks to the heart of the matter— A consistent pattern of behavior.
Anyone who knows me, knows that prior to July 3, 2009, my pattern of consistency, was consistently towards myself. I was caught up in buying things for myself, caught up in my own emotions, wants, needs, failures and in my shortcomings. What would make me feel good and please me, was my motivation.
I lived a life that pretty much revolved around ME.
All my relationships revolved around me. I say this, because at the heart of it, I wasn’t truly placing anyone’s interests above my own. I wanted my way.
That all dramatically changed on the night of July 3, 2009, which has since been a public spectacle of a “life lived for me” being transformed daily into a “life lived for Him.” Amen.
July 3, 2009, marked three months I was separated from my then wife Janet. My marriage failed not on the count of her, but from my own selfish ways. Three months were spent wallowing in self pity, shame, guilt, anger, frustration, blame, regret and a slew of other emotions.
Although I tried to get over the struggle of it all, I couldn’t! Despite the efforts of a new found friend Wesam, and an on going shopping spree that resulted in lots more debt, I couldn’t shake the pit of despair I was in— I had failed; missing the mark terribly and there was no getting around that fact.
Yet another thing more pronounced in it’s affect in my life took place on that very night. That night was like every other night up until that fateful moment. I couldn’t sleep which had been the norm for quite sometime (since 2001) and grew ever so stronger in the last 18 months. For the last few months, I was regularly crying myself to sleep. However, this night proved to be the catalyst to a new thing taking place in me, through me and all around me.
One day can definitely change the landscape of a human life, and July 3, 2009, was just such a day in my life.
That night I got up from lying down and sat up at the edge of the bed. I realized something that seemed quite impossibly strange to me. Although my eyes were fixed to the darkness of the room, it seemed blacker than ever. It was pitch black, and I couldn’t even see my hand that was press against my face. As I looked around wondering to myself why that was, I was overcome by my hurt yet again, but rather then simply crying myself to sleep, something else came out of me: A confession!
I cried out to God, not simply with tears or a sound of sadness, but from the very depth of my grieve stricken soul and broken heart. I said these very words, “God please help me. I can’t do this anymore.”
Beloved, then you can comprehend the magnitude of those words I said to God, I take you back three years prior. It was January 1, 2006 and after the new year’s celebration was over and done with and everyone went home and those of the house were in bed, I was awake and alone and in anger. It was around 3 a.m.
I was writing in a composition book I had, and the words were of anger, hate and bitterness. All of a sudden I heard God call out to me, and I fell on my knees and started to cry and ask God to help me.
When God calls out to you... You know!
Events from that night, lead to more miraculous events, that lead me to being directed to a nearby church named “Flamingo Road Church,” where I heard a message about this Jesus who saves people from their sins when He died on a Cross for them. This amazing message that struck at my very heart and soul further lead me to receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior and getting baptized as well. This new high I was on quickly faded away months later as I looked to others in the church wanting to speak as they spoke about the Bible; to be and do as they did. I didn’t know this Savior of mine personally and intimately, and looking to others to find Him and get to know Him proved to be too difficult for me and a few months later I walked away from this Jesus. The natural thing for me was to return back to my old ways as if none of it ever happened and that miraculous night when Jesus called out to me was something to dismiss all too easy.
Just when I thought all hope was lost...
Now getting back to the night of July 3, 2009, as I cried out to God for a second time in my life from anger and great sorrow, something even more miraculous happened than that from January 1, 2006. As mentioned above, I looked around my room wondering to myself how could it be so dark that I could not see anything though my eyes were fixed to the darkness. Jesus Himself! Came to me and spoke to me from the darkness of that room. He said these very words to me answering a question no man heard or knew, “The darkness you see is in your heart!” With such a profound statement being declared to me, you would think Jesus who is pure, holy and perfect would be the very one to condemn and judge me in that very moment, but you as well as I would be wrong. What proceeded out of the mouth of this Jesus I abandoned in my ignorance and immaturity three years prior completely astounded me. He lovingly said to me, “But I come to you with a gift that no one can take away. When you lay your head down and rise again, your eyes will be open and you will now see. Your ears will be open and you will now hear. Everything will be different.”
My identity is solidified in Him
Beloved, upon having that intimate and personal encounter with Jesus, the restlessness I had been experiencing for so many years, especially the last year and a half quickly faded away and this peace I have never known came upon me, that had me asleep immediately. Upon getting up in the morning, I wondered about the events that took place the prior night and suddenly I realized something taking place inside of me— It was a unquenchable desire to know my God personally and intimately.
I had a strong desire to pray a prayer I have since that wonderful day described as the most dangerous prayer I had ever prayed. I asked God to give me His eyes then I would see as He sees. To give me His ears then I would hear as He hears. To give me His heart then I would love as He loves. His mind then I could know and be at peace as He knows and is peace Himself. To have His arms and legs then I would do as He does and walk as He walks. I asked for His body then I could live as He lives!
Truly, I Flavio Anthony Lugo, testify of this very prayer being answered on that day and everyday since then!
Beloved, there’s so much more to my testimony. Testimony isn’t something that took place only at a church or when you believed in the name of Jesus and received Him as your personal Lord and Savior. It’s from before you were born. It continues on from your very first day till your last day and breath you breathe and all the fullness of it! As from before you were born; from before I was born, hallelujah, all our days were written. Amen!
The one consistency I have come to know is the love of the Father in heaven and the Lord Jesus Christ revealed to me through the Holy Spirit. Amen.
As a new creation in Christ, it’s part of my consistent testimony of looking to my great God and Savior in His perpetual love towards me, to strengthen and raise me up as a man of action... A man of God who is consistent with honoring His God and walking in all His ways. Amen.
This can be for you as well! Just call on Him and make it personal as well as intimate with Him, and as I have known it to be, you too will declare, “From lost to found, God is my everything.”
As always... YOU ARE LOVED.
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